Wyzga On Words

What Does The Camino de Santiago Look Like A Year Later?

I'm a little behind my schedule.  The plan was to pick up my Camino de Santiago journal on Wednesday the 17th September 2014, a year from the day I boarded a plane at John Wayne Airport, flew to Newark International and then on to Madrid, Spain where I figured out where and how to get the Aeropuerto Express bus to travel across town to the RENFE station where I would board a train to Pamplona and then a bus to St. Jean Pied de Port arriving at my destination some 48 jet-lagged hours later. But I'm getting ahead of myself.  For those of you who know my family, you know that at least one character is himself in transition so plans being what the Goddess laughs at means I have to reconfigure this idea of mine.

Let's begin here by allowing Enya to set the stage with her lyrics to Pilgrim.  Each time I listen to this haunting music I am reminded that even after a year's time has passed this much I know is true: it's a long way to find out who you are. 

I want to use this time and this space to reflect on 500 miles trekked in 5 weeks.  What it felt like then and what it feels like now.

I can tell you that waking up to see Spain spread out below me as we descended was neither thrilling nor exciting.  I was petrified!  WTF was I thinking?  Estoy solo!  It would be easy enough to whip out my credit card, find the United Airlines counter and grab the first flight home.  You think I'm kidding?  Have Credit Card - Will Travel.  

What stopped me?  I fumbled in my backpack and pulled out a letter pressed into my hand a few hours before I was supposed to go to sleep on the last night in my own bed.  The letter began, "Dear Diane, Well done! As you read this thousands of feet above the earth, you may be wondering why I gave you a 'WELL DONE!' card to start your Camino de Santiago journey. But, in actuality, it is a great start.  Why?  Regardless of what does or doesn't happen from here on out, you will be forever changed simply because you showed up.  And that, my friend, is 'WELL DONE!'" 

How did Lorraine know?  I would return to her letter often over the miles.  The words of this storyteller encouraged me to get started on my adventure.  Was I still scared?  You bet!  As she pointed out (and I had no way of knowing how accurate her words would prove to be), some days it would be a trail and other days it would be a trial.  But if I agreed to show up (as I had promised I would) "step-by-step, moment-by-moment, heartbeat-by-heartbeat", I would show myself that this was "WELL DONE!"  

And so it begins.....

The Letter Of The Law & The Spirit Of The Law.

There are two companion pieces in today's Sunday NYTimes that remind me what happens when we hew to the letter of the law in some blind, righteous, opinionated and judgmental way.

The first by Nicholas Kristoff, "Help Thy Neighbor and Go Straight to Prison, decries a recent conviction in Tennessee.  A man with a past, Edward Young, rehabilitates himself, gets married, has children, and helps the widow of a neighbor clean out the deceased's belongings among which was a handful of shotgun shells. Young puts them aside so they do not fall into the wrong hands - but when some burglaries happen Young is suspected, his property searched and the forgotten shotgun shells found.  Ex-felons are not supposed to possess guns or ammo.  Even though Young had not owned a gun, did not own a gun, did not know that helping his neighbor was a crime AND the burglary charges were dismissed Young was sentenced to 15 years.  No ifs, ands or buts.  He was the stay-at-at-home dad.  Now what happens?

Here's the other. As reported by Frank Bruni, Fatal Mercies, familial pity and compassion can get you in a world of hurt.  A daughter agrees to hand her ailing, elderly, pain-ridden father his morphine so he can choose the end of life dignity should allow.  She is charged with helping a suicide under Pennsylvania law despite the fact that the father rebounded after a 911 call (he eventually died), that the Pennsylvania law is worded broadly and ambiguously about "assistance" and, many's the time that painkillers hastening death are used in hospitals.

I am reminded of a story called Fire On the Mountain about a young man who takes a bet to survive a night on a old mountain top without fire, shelter, food or clothing.  He is sustained by watching a fire on a distant mountaintop that is being tended by a friend. When his master learns of this he reneges on his bet to give the young man his freedom as promised. "No fire! means no fire."

In time and thanks to the intercession of one who knew to distinguish the letter of the law from the spirit of the law, the master gets his comeuppance, the young man gets his freedom and the rest of us get a lesson in discretion, compassion, mercy.

 

 

Transforming Fear In The Aftermath of School Massacres.

 

Members of the Healing Story Alliance scrambled to gather and post resources which might be of use to you and your children:

Click here to access: Transforming Fear in the Aftermath.

And feel welcome to share this material around the world.  We all seem to need something.

Q&A Tuesday: How Does An Empty Boat Help You?

Q:    What's the use of an empty boat, especially at trial?

A:    It keeps you cool, calm, clear-headed, and collected, focused on your case and client, impervious to the devious distractions of your opponent designed to mess with your head and throw you off your game.

One of the Dharma talks I listened to during the "Be. Here. Now." retreat I attended at Deer Park Monastery was given by a monk who referred tongue-in-cheek to himself as "Young Brother" although he is actually quite an old brother. He told to a story I had not heard before which traces its telling back to Chuang Tzu, a Taoist sage living sometime before 250 B.C.  Briefly, it goes like this:

 “If a man is crossing a river and an empty boat collides with his own skiff, even though he be a bad-tempered man he will not become very angry. But if he sees a man in the boat, he will shout at him to steer clear. If the shout is not heard, he will shout again, and yet again, and begin cursing. And all because there is somebody in the boat. Yet if the boat were empty, he would not be shouting, and not angry."

His point was how to practice staying the course of calm in the face of some perceived action or word by another that might provoke us to unnecessary anger or rage.

So often it's our perceptions that make us crazy.  Zen Buddhism would say that most of our suffering is caused by our own perceptions.  And the notion of "colliding with an empty boat" is way to remind us that even if life is suffering we do not have to seek crucifixion.

In trial so often I've seen good lawyers go off the deep end because their opponent is just "messing with their head." If an emotion is true and serves you, by all means use it.  Those that distract you from the task at hand only dilute your effectiveness.

If you would like to read a bit more on the teachings of "An Empty Boat" click here to read David Nelson's post as he muses on the teachings during his drive home from our retreat on the mountain.

David's post is a good reminder that I have many many miles of river to practice.  At the very least I more fully appreciate a bumper sticker I saw recently that read, "When Jesus Christ said, 'Love your enemies' I think He probably meant 'Don't kill them.'"

The Appointment In Samarra.

 

A Syrian father weeps over the body of his son killed by suicide bombers in Aleppo. [Manu Brabo/Associated Press]

Many storytellers are familiar with "The Appointment in Samarra."  I've told it on a number of occasions; but in the version I learned the merchant was a father and the servant was a son. 

For some reason I've had this story on my mind as day after day I witness incomprehensible death in Aleppo.  These losses seem to track some of the death and destruction that is part and parcel of my working life as a litigation consultant.

Maybe we have appointments with Death.  Who am I to say?  But do we really want to act in ways that deliver each other to the meeting? 

Here is a version of the story as retold by W. Somerset Maugham in 1933:

The speaker is Death:  "There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me.  She looked at me and made a threatening gesture,  now, lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate.  I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me.  The merchant lent him his horse, and the servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went.  Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he saw me standing in the crowd and he came to me and said, Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning?  That was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only a start of surprise.  I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight in Samarra."

Listen Well - A Website Of Spoken Word You May Enjoy.

As was told to me yesterday by a long-time litigator, the law is not only a jealous mistress, she can be a lethal one.  Peace, quiet, a moment of serenity, the opportunity to breathe and listen are not often part of the litigator's (or litigation consultant's) lifestyle.  But we can adjust that.

You never know where you'll find an idea.  One of the delightful features of The New Yorker magazine is the side column advertisements, each one about the size of a postage stamp.

Here is a site you may enjoy visiting:

Listen Well: a spoken word website of stories.

 

Q&A Tuesday: Where's The Story? Read The Obituary Pages.

Q:    Where can I go to read good and not-so-good stories?

A:    Look no further than the obituary pages.

As some of you who have read my posts already know, I love reading the obits. I've mined the pages like a gravestone rubber trolling through a cemetery looking for the perfect headstone.  Yes, gravestone rubber, not robber.

Open your local or national newspaper to the Obituary section.  While it's illuminating to read the stories of the famous folk who have passed on, skip over those professionally scripted ones.  Go instead to the columns of stories written by family members for their loved one.  Sometimes there will be a recent photo, or one taken decades ago as if the deceased never aged. 

You will get good at identifying those obituaries that read like a shopping list of items - all achievement but little affection.  Those are the ones chock full of content, and little else.

Then you will find those that are so full of life you might wish that the deceased had lived next door to you.

What makes the stories different?  The latter ones take the content of a life and put it into context we can relate to.  We understand - or at least recognize - this person.  We have some idea what they held in their affections.  They come alive for us. 

Whether you are writing a brief, a case summary for ADR or getting ready for trial make the story about your client one we can relate to.

And a good exercise I was taught: write your own obituary.  Feel how it sounds when you read it aloud.  Is it true to your life? Do you wish you lived next door to this person?  Shared a cold brewski on a hot summer night?  Or maybe a cup of coffee.

 

Q&A Tuesday: What Did You Do, Dad? Learning The Stories Before It's Too Late.

Q:    We spend so much time teasing legal stories out of our clients; what would we get if we used those same story listening skills with our loved ones?

A:    You might hear how your father did something rich and wonderful and good.

All around me are aging parents, dying parents, no-longer-lucid parents.  Eulogies are being written that emphasize achievements, accomplishments and affections.

Before that time comes take a moment to read Neil Genzlinger's heartfelt story about cable TV and his pioneering father. 

And then ask a loved one to tell you a piece of their story.  It's as easy as, "Tell me about a time you got into trouble for something you never told your own parents about."  Or, "Tell me about an early friend you had."  Or, "Tell me what you did in the summer months." And so on. 

Q&A Tuesday: How Do You Become A Writer? Read & Write.

Q:    How do you become a writer?

A:    You read books.  You act like a writer by writing.

One the one hand I am posting an article by and an interview with Molly Ringwald for my brother who found her then as now heart-thumpingly, breathtakingly stunning.

On the other hand I am writing this post because it has valuable tips on how to write.

Start here: click here to read John Williams interview with Ringwald on the subject of her newest novel, "When It Happens To You."  Highlights:

1. Writing and acting require an ability to understand a character.
2. Our human flaws make us human and create the good/evil duality.
3. Universal values speak to all of us.
4. While mothering may give a writer an edge on parenthood, note all the successful authors who never personally experienced their characters' lives.
5. Which writers have influenced you?

Then, click here to read Ringwald's Opinion piece, Act Like a Writer, with tips and exercises on finding and developing your character.  Excerpt.

"Our job, as the cast [of The Breakfast Club], was to find the humanity in the stereotypes that we had been assigned, to show that we were all suffering in our own way and searching for our way out. In the end, that way out is through connection, another lesson I’ve carried through my life and in what I have chosen to explore in fiction."

 

Q&A Tuesday: With Money Going To Medical Bills, Where Do You Turn For A Wedding?

Q:    Where can one get help if you are terminally ill and yet want a wedding?

A:    Wish Upon a Wedding.

Recently I read another blog post suggesting that the blogger write not about what interests them but  what people want: what will make them feel good or give them results. You know, the old "What's in it for me?" angle.

Here's a story that might give you both.

Girl meets boy but boy is her employee. Girl finds out boy is also interested in her.  Boy and girl decide to meet for an Italian dinner.  Boy agrees to quit his job.  Relationship develops.  Boy proposes to girl and she accepts. Boy gets sick and is diagnosed with cancer.  The wedding will not be stopped.

However, with all their money invested in medical bills how do you have a wedding?  Wish Upon a Wedding is a national nonprofit organization that helps couples facing terminal diseases pay for a wedding.

Click here to read the story of Angela Sclafani and Michael Olexa, see photos of their wedding and learn how Wish Upon a Wedding works.

Sometimes you get a hand in realizing "happily ever after."