Wyzga On Words

Why Do We Walk? Who Knows What The Walk Will Bring?

Winston Churchill is credited with saying, 'If you're going through hell, keep going."

My friend, Ed, says, "When you ask for courage you are given opportunities to be brave."  Frankly, I would prefer just getting an infusion of courage, like the Cowardly Lion requested from the Wizard of Oz.

When we least expect it we come across stories of those who are given opportunities to be brave and help us find our own way out of hell.

Aspen Matis writing for the NYTimes, "A Hiker's Guide to Healing," recounts the story of her 2,650 mile Mexico to Canada trek to heal herself of a college rape - which is pretty much hell.

God forbid you have to go through any trauma in this lifetime; but when you do perhaps Matis' story of personal resilience, determination and courage will give you a True North direction out of hell.

Nurses Hold the Space for Patients, Families to Tell Their Stories.

I am delighted to have been invited to join Kathy Hansen's blog, A Storied Career!

Just in case you missed us, over the next several days I'll be re-posting the interview she conducted with me and began publishing on April 9th.

Here's the second post

Metaphors Rouse The Sensory Cortex.

By now you might have come across Annie Murphy Paul's NYTimes Opinion piece, "Your Brain on Fiction."  Why bring it up again?  I am curious to know whether hearing the spoken word works the same way as reading fiction.  My sense is that there are parallels.

The upshot of the article is that brain science has revealed what we intuitively know: "Stories stimulate the brain and even change how we act in life."  How does it happen?  Metaphors - and the more sensory the better.  Words describing how something looks, tastes, smells, feels and sounds stimulate brain areas which respond to the images as if they were real.  The brain is an equal opportunity organ.  Excerpt.

"The brain, it seems, does not make much of a distinction between reading about an experience and encountering it in real life; in each case, the same neurological regions are stimulated. Keith Oatley, an emeritus professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Toronto (and a published novelist), has proposed that reading produces a vivid simulation of reality, one that “runs on minds of readers just as computer simulations run on computers.” Fiction — with its redolent details, imaginative metaphors and attentive descriptions of people and their actions — offers an especially rich replica. Indeed, in one respect novels go beyond simulating reality to give readers an experience unavailable off the page: the opportunity to enter fully into other people’s thoughts and feelings."

What got me thinking about listening to sensory rich metaphors versus reading them in fiction is something I wrote in 2003 that I had inscribed on bookmarks I gave away to clients.

"Storytelling thrives on imagination.  Images touch the heart and become sensations, sensations trigger memories, memories create meaning annd meaning leads to listener action."

With this discovery in mind I subsequently wrote and taught law students and lawyers (among others) about the primal importance of incorporating the five senses in oral presentations to inform and persuade.  The guidance changed the speaker and the listener both.  You could feel trial stories vividly come to life.

I am convinced that we "homo narrans" use stories to navigate the social realm, to understand feelings, desires and motivations of our fellow global inhabitants, comprehend lessons, make sense of mistakes, and the like.  Metaphors smooth our efforts to translate by showing us show how "this is like that."  Apparently, the more sensory our metaphors the more easily we connect and relate with one another.  And that's not fiction.

A Beautiful Example Of A Story With A Surprising And Strangely Comforting Ending.

I read Louis Begley's NYTimes' article, "Age and Its Discontents" with an increasing sense of dread.  The question Begley poses is whether there is anything good about getting old.  He answers the question, "No.  It's gifts are bitter."

Begley recounts a difficult life including the German occupation of Poland, the loss of his father, and all family he could number meeting with "violent deaths in World War II."  This history left its mark on Begley and his work.  Excerpt.

"Unsurprisingly, dread of the games time plays with us has been a drumbeat in my novels. Thus, arms akimbo, majestic and naked, standing before a glass, Charlie Swan, the gay demiurge of “As Max Saw It,” illustrates for the younger narrator on his body the physiology of aging: misrule of hair, puckered brown bags under the eyes, warts like weeds on his chest, belly, back and legs, dry skin that peels leaving a fine white snow of dandruff. Listening to him, the younger man is reminded of his own father in a hospital, permanently catheterized, other tubes conducting liquids to his body hooked up to machines that surround his bed like unknown relatives. He prefers his mother’s “triumphant” exit. A headlong fall down the cellar stairs kills her instantly.

I have followed the progress into old age of Albert Schmidt, like me a retired lawyer, in three novels. Schmidt is 60 when we meet him in 1991; when we part on New Year’s Day 2009, he is 78, therefore a couple of years older than I was then. Life has not been kind to him, but so far, Schmidt enjoys excellent health, marching up and down the Atlantic beach in Bridgehampton and New York City’s avenues, and doing laps in his pool. Although he worries about performance, his libido is intact. Nevertheless, the reflection of his face in the window of a shop is frightening: he sees a red nose and bloodshot eyes, lips pursed up tight over stained and uneven teeth, an expression so lugubrious and so pained it resists his efforts to smile. My appreciation of my own charms is not very different. Like Schmidt, I see that nothing good awaits me at the end of the road, and that passing years will turn my life into a Via Crucis."

Why read further?  To hear how the story ends.  And learn any lessons of hope.  There is a singular one I was unprepared for: the importance of companions.  Excerpt.

"Having rehearsed the bitter gifts reserved for age, T. S. Eliot wrote in “Little Gidding” that “the end of all our exploring/ Will be to arrive where we started/ And know the place for the first time.” The closer that place — the human condition — is to home, the harder it is to take in. I could speak movingly of Schmidt’s loneliness after the loss of his daughter, calling his existence an arid plane of granite on which she alone had flowered. But it has taken me until now, at age 78, to feel in full measure the bitterness and anguish of my mother’s solitude — and that of other old people who end their lives without a companion."

From down here on the knees of a grateful heart, say "thank you" to your friends, keep them close, and find ways to stay in touch because it's true what The Divine Miss M sang, "Oh, you got to have friends..."  Your health depends on it.

It's Never Too Late To Start Heading In The Right Direction.

What does Beethoven have to do with friendship and compass headings? 

My friend, Stephanie West Allen, sent me a post she wrote in 2002.  It's a wonderful story about the importance of friends who turn us in the right direction.  I call this direction "True North" on my personal compass heading.  I am gravitating toward it with the help of faith, family and friends.

For me, the heart of Allen's blog post is the series of questions she posed which may also be a help to you.  Excerpt.

"Some Questions for You

What gift inside of you is so strong that it must triumph over any adversity (or shyness or inactivity or busy-ness) and  come out for others to enjoy? Are you still holding it in, sapping creative energy by squelching it? What will it take for this ability, this genius, to flow out of you on a stream of inspiration?

We all have our genius with which we can make our world and that of others a more beautiful place. Part of being a member of the brotherhood of man is sharing our gifts with each other. What will bring your tear of joy?

And one more question, who in your life gently turns you around when you are facing in the wrong direction so you can see your standing ovation?"

What are your answers? 

And what other questions does this writing prompt as you turn and head in the direction of your True North?

Suiting Up For The Next Generation.

Saturday last saw me all suited up and talking to upwards of 50 folks who came to The Ecology Center to learn about honey bees (Apis mellifera), pure local honey, and becoming a backyard beekeeper or "beek."

Click here to access the link to the Q&A blog with an observation hive video.

The adults posed many questions showing lots of interest and concern about the plight of honeybees (the canary in the mine of our world), Colony Collapse Disorder, how to distinguish real honey from the store bought fake stuff, and so on.  I felt like I was on "Stump the Beekeeper."

But the real excitement, equally insightful questions and "ah ha!" moments were shared by the young people.  There were eight year old farmer wannabes, ten year old girls taking pages of notes with pencil in spiral bound notebooks so they could prepare for a class report, six year old hands held in the air so long to ask a question that first one arm and then the next and then back to the other were raised.   The teenagers were so engaged they did not text during the hour - well, as far as I could see.

I passed around honeycomb taken from the wild when I rescued swarmed colonies, frames of built-out comb used to raise brood and store honey, frames of old comb where bees had died emerging from their cells, and showed off the beek basics I carry around in my beek box.  The young people were ecstatic when I displayed a photo of lavishly drawn designs painted with wild colors on stacks of hive boxes - no bland white boxes for these kids.  Everybody wanted to get into the act setting up a backyard hive.

Some days despite my Aquarian tendencies I can present a pretty cynical face about the future of the planet.  As I posed for the last cell phone picture and packed up my beek gear I knew that just as we "let bees be bees" the same applies to kids: give them some ideas, support and direction; then let them be as they find their way.  

I believe we are going to be just fine. 

Q&A Tuesday: What Makes My Character Or Client Believable?

Q:    What makes my character (or client) believable?

A:    For starters, no one is either all good or all evil. You need a bit of both.

The mistake many folks make when they create a character (or prepare a client for deposition or trial) is they want to err on the side of "my guy is all good and the other guy is all bad."  This sounds like something one would hear in divorce counseling. The truth is, even Darth Vadar and Lucifer started out on the bright side.

Generally speaking we like people like us.  Whether we are conscious of it or not, we relate to characteristics in others which are like those in  people familiar to us. These sense impressions inform the attitudes we have about people - before we even know them. 

In a real world setting like a trial, we want to know if the client comes across in a positive way - or do they turn off the members of the focus group.  What about the client is not believable?  And can this thing be truthfully and accurately corrected so the client is compelling and convincing? 

That does not mean we erase the flaws.  Not at all.  In fact, the case may require the lawyer to embrace the flaws while showing that the event had nothing to do with the flaws.  In the alternative, the flaws may be presented as having some part to play in the event but to a much lesser degree than that of the opposition. 

The key is to steer clear of generalities and stereotypes when preparing your client.  And remember you can't put lipstick on a pig.  Well, you can - but what are you left with? 

 

In the fictional world the same notion applies.  What makes characters endearing is that they have recognizable flaws and virtues.  We may recognize the flaws as belonging to someone else we know - not us.  But we recognize them just the same.  Give us a bit of both angelic and misbehavin'.

I was thinking of this concept while watching re-runs of The Big C, a TV series starring Laura Linney and Oliver Platt.   Linney's character has been diagnosed with cancer and she's trying to have the time of her life while there is life. Platt's character is her self-absorbed husband. But as you allow the characters to develop you come to realize that Linney's character is not all grace and sunshine.  She has a pretty selfish streak.  And Platt's character has a deeply feeling side you would not easily suspect in the beginning.

TIP: Create your characters or develop your client like the well-rounded human beings they are taking advantage of flaws and virtues as befits the situation.

 

 

 

Tell Me About Unity & Strength.

THE BUNDLE OF STICKS

A CERTAIN Father had a family of Sons, who were forever quarreling among themselves. No words he could say did the least good, so he cast about in his mind for some very striking example that should make them see that discord would lead them to misfortune.

One day when the quarreling had been much more violent than usual and each of the Sons was moping in a surly manner, he asked one of them to bring him a bundle of sticks. Then handing the bundle to each of his Sons in turn he told them to try to break it. But although each one tried his best, none was able to do so.

The Father then untied the bundle and gave the sticks to his Sons to break one by one. This they did very easily.

"My Sons," said the Father, "do you not see how certain it is that if you agree with each other and help each other, it will be impossible for your enemies to injure you? But if you are divided among yourselves, you will be no stronger than a single stick in that bundle."

In unity is strength.

TIP:    

1. Some days you have to go back to the basics to "get it."
2. Nothing is more basic than a story.
3. For each problem there is always one elegant solution; often you will find it in a story.

 

A Girl Scout Cookie Teaching Moment.

The knock at the door was confident. The girl dressed in a Brownie uniform recited her spiel about Girl Scout cookies with true gusto. At the end of my driveway stood her dad holding the handle of a bright pink plastic wagon piled with boxes of Girl Scout cookies organized by box color.   Next to him stood her sister, a girl not more than three years old. When I chose two boxes of my favorites it was this little one who selected them from the wagon bed, carried them in careful hands and delivered them to my waiting ones while I stood on the porch of my little bungalow.

Time out of mind I sold Girl Scout cookies.  They were bigger then.  And cheaper - what I sold for 50 cents a box now costs $4. 

Why would I part with $8 for something that my hips will not resist?  I'm a sucker for Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Sandwich cookies.  More importantly, I was just glad-hearted that a father took time to walk the neighborhoods with his daughters going door-to-door to sell something good to the neighbors. 

He could just as easily have taken the supply to his workplace and sold them on behalf of his daughter; but he did not.  He was out with his girls of a Saturday, walking and talking together and teaching a lesson in enterprise.

No matter who we work with, play with, and relate to we are always teaching some lesson.  They may be lessons in honesty, integrity, keeping your word, cheating, undercutting, or deceit, kindness, generosity, betrayal or mean-spiritedness.  Most often we are unaware of the lessons we impart.  May you learn as good as you teach.  And support your local Girl Scout cookie seller.

What WON'T You Do For Money?

 

Think of a lighthouse.It stands in one spot on a footprint of shoreline or outside a harbor.  It warns and beckons ships.  It does not beckon all ships; only those that can safely enter the harbor.  It does not run up and down the shoreline signalling all ships to enter that harbor.  It is fixed and with a purpose. 

Why do we (in any profession) chase clients who may not be the best fit for us and our practice? Who do not value our services; who fail to express appreciation for the value our assistance brought to a project; who do not return calls; who do not pay invoices on time or, even worse, try to scramble out from under what they owe.  As Elliott Wilcox reminds us in today's ezine post [ISSN 1559-6044    January 27, 2012    Vol. VIII, Issue 4    Published every Friday.   Sign me up for this ezine!] our time is so precious to us. Be careful what you do with it and for whom you spend it:

 "As we finish the first month of the new year, I wanted to check in and see how you're doing with accomplishing your goals for the year.  Are you on track to try as many cases as you'd hoped?  Are you on track to spend as much time with your family as you want?  Are you on track to learn as many trial skills as you need?

Sometimes, all we need is a little reminder to keep on target.  If it looks like you've fallen off track, make it a point this weekend to invest the time necessary to put you back on the track to success.  Since the Super Bowl isn't until next week, this should be a quiet weekend (unless you'll be joining me in Tampa, Florida, where the pirates will be invading the city for the Gasparilla Festival...  "Aaaaargh!") 

To help keep you on track, here's a little tip that will give you some extra time and peace of mind for the remaining 11 months of the year: One of the most important things you can do as a lawyer (or in any profession) is decide NOT to accept a case or a client.  Just because they have money, it doesn't mean that they're a perfect client for you. 

While you're investing a few hours this weekend working on getting the most out of the rest of the year, make a little list entitled, "Things I WON'T Do For Money."   Here are some examples:

THINGS I WON'T DO FOR MONEY

• I won't accept a case somewhere that requires me to spend two consecutive nights away from my family
  
  
• I won't accept a client who has filed a bar complaint or lawsuit against a previous attorney
  
  
• I won't accept a client who is more than 15 minutes late for our initial meeting and doesn't call to let me know they'll be late

Everyone's list will be different, but you HAVE to have a list.  Otherwise, you'll end up doing ANYTHING for money, and you'll regret it.  This stuff is important.  If you don't have a list, you need to write one.  Don't wait to the weekend -- do it right NOW.

Once you have your list of "Won't's" you'll discover that it's a lot easier to run your practice.  There may be times when money is tight and you're tempted to violate your rules...  Don't.  The money will quickly be gone, and you'll be stuck with a case or a client that you resent.  You'll also be ashamed of yourself for going back on your word.

I hope that helps you keep on track for the next 11 months.  Let's make 2012 your best year yet! 

(BTW - if you need additional help maximizing your time and productivity, my "TIME! (for lawyers)" program is available at www.TimeForLawyers.com )"