Is Generosity Better Than Sex?

Raised as I was in a family of 9 I was taught early on about sharing and generosity.

How could I not read this NYTimes article by Tara Parker-Pope, "Is Generosity Better Than Sex?",  especially since the research was conducted at my graduate alma mater, the University of Virginia, where "WhaHooWha!" now makes more sense. Excerpt.

"Generosity was defined as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly” — like simply making them coffee in the morning — and researchers quizzed men and women on how often they behaved generously toward their partners. How often did they express affection? How willing were they to forgive?

The responses went right to the core of their unions. Men and women with the highest scores on the generosity scale were far more likely to report that they were “very happy” in their marriages. The benefits of generosity were particularly pronounced among couples with children. Among the parents who posted above-average scores for marital generosity, about 50 percent reported being “very happy” together. Among those with lower generosity scores, only about 14 percent claimed to be “very happy,” according to the latest “State of Our Unions” report from the National Marriage Project.

While sexual intimacy, commitment and communication are important, the focus on generosity adds a new dimension to our understanding of marital success. Though this conclusion may seem fairly self-evident, it’s not always easy to be generous to a romantic partner. The noted marriage researcher John Gottman has found that successful couples say or do at least five positive things for each negative interaction with their partner — not an easy feat."

For litigators seeking ways to bring to life what was lost when a spouse is untimely taken by the actions of another, talking about all the ways in which they were generous to family and community may enhance the damages argument.

And for the rest of us, this being the official Season of Giving what better time to start being generous?  Caution:  "I gave at the office" is not what I mean.

 

 

Comments

[Samantha Gluck]

I don't even see how people can compare the satisfaction derived from sex with an intimate partner to satisfaction derived from true generosity toward your spouse -- or anyone, for that matter. While the good feelings of both clearly share commonalities, both physiologically and psychologically, the fact remains that these are two disparate species of well-being enhancing satisfaction.

That said, perhaps if one is consistently and truly (no posing) to one's spouse, one will also enjoy more frequent, consistently amazing sex!

[Diane]

Good points. And, there must be something that underlies the comparison. I wonder what the common thread or theme might b between the two acts? What about couples who for whatever reason are deprived of sex? What "substitutes" if you will? Does generosity drive care and sex is an expression of that care?